Tuesday, 1 November 2011

my little monsters

so I have this "thing"

I noticed it some time this summer.  It was in the back yard and I was playing with the dogs - laying on my stomach while they jumped all over my head and back.

I thought, "what am I laying on...a football?"  I rolled over to see what was wedged between me and the ground and saw ... nothing

well that's weird.

I eventually made my way to the doctor and after weeks of waiting and being freaked by Google and WebMD, I have been diagnosed with fibroids.

2 fibroids to be exact.

I asked the doctor exactly how big are they.  He gave me the measurements - in centimeters.  Might as well been in Greek.  He recognized the ignorance immediately and replied, "the small one is the size of an orange and the bigger one is the size of a canteloup"

an orange and a canteloup...

Seriously - why do they talk in fruit??

The horrified look on my face must have been transparent as the doctor then drew me a picture.  He first drew a uterus... a longish oval.  He then drew two large head looking appendages on the top of the longish oval.  As I sat there processing this all, a picture popped into my head.

This is that picture...

Yes, this is the two-headed monster from Sesame Street.  Just picture the one on the right to be bigger - like a melon sized monster head.  I have named them.  The little one is Hester and the big one is Rex.

Eventually the monster will have to be removed.  Yes, a hysterectomy...hence the monster names...Hester-Rex-tomy.  I know, it's a stretch, but that's how I roll.  I name everything.

A few weeks ago I was not as "okay" with all of this.  I was so scared.  As I mentioned, I had the worst case scenario running marathons in my head.  I was faced with the possibility that this was actually going to kill me.  It truly was a monster - and not a cute fuzzy one either.  It forced me to really think about my life.  This whole year of turning 50 has had me thinking, but this was different.  I was faced with the possibility of doing things for the last time.

- last Christmas
- last Colombia trip
- last production

How did I really want to spend my "lasts".  I wanted to make sure that they all really counted for something. Now that I am relatively confident that these monsters are fixable, should I really think any different?  None of us really know how many beats our heart has left in it...how many breaths remain.

So Hester and Rex have been a bit of a wake up call.  Me and the monsters are going to live life bigger...like canteloup size.


Christy said...

Will be praying!

Kmarie said...

Wise and heartfelt. I do feel that anxiety though for anything medical...it always is a little bit fearful...yet you courageously pull through with grace. I hope everything goes well. I am glad you caught it.

wil said...

Is it weird to say I'm glad it's fibroids? I mean, in light of what it could have been... I mean... well... I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief and saying a prayer in the same breath.

The Tea Bag said...

Hester and Rex
his tricks -
star of the mo[u]rning
orange monster:

But ...

Hester and Rex
Star King, to me

Morning Star
His star


Trust ...
follow ...
home by another way
real life
exteRrsHe to me

Sheila said...

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I too am glad that it was much less serious than it could have been.

And Karyn...your words are like a song to my soul - thank you!