when i grow up...

I am at a crossroads


one would think that at this stage of life, one would not be asking the question..


"what do I want to be when I grow up"


but here I am.  On Tuesday I was informed that my position was only half needed.  Cut backs.  Honestly I would have rather been laid off completely, then I would have at least part of the decision made for me that I am facing now...leave or stay...  Do I love this twice as much to make up for not getting half the paycheck? 


Hmmm. That is tough.


So, I have spent the past 3 days- and many hours during the night -contemplating life.  If I could do anything for a job, what would that be? I have investigated it with the most reliable source of information...


Facebook...
and have gotten some interesting responses from so many ages and stages of friends' lives.  I have loved reading what others would do if they could choose their "dream job".  I can see so many of them as reality - like...
krista as a food stylist
ruth as a hockey mascot 
irina in a BC fruit stand
erin as a professional shopper (she is a ninja shopper!)
stacey as a hula dancer


but then some said that they ARE doing their "dream job".  Can't say that I would consider being a high school secretary, or a librarian, or a farmer's wife, or a mom of 5 active little boys, or a nanny as my dream...but it is so great that it is theirs.


I love jewelry that speaks.  I have a ring that says "renew * inspire * uplift"   It became my life calling to try and do those things in my relationships.  


About a month ago I got a new "talking" necklace.

This year of celebration of my half century on earth, I came up with this as my mantra, so to speak.  I have seen 50 years speed by so quickly.  I have realized that I don't have the time or energy to waste on anything but doing what I love and loving what I do.


I believe in a God that loves me passionately.  I believe that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart.  But what is that desire?  Therein lies the dilemma.  That's what I need to figure out.  It is kind of exciting, but very scary at the same time.  


But isn't that what life is all about?