I remember when...

(The last few weeks' activities have put me in a place of reminiscing.  With the wedding of my youngest son just a few short days away, I have been going through photo albums and boxes of stuff.  These are the things that have been going through my head as I process the transition of Riley's start of his new family)


I remember... the day you were born - the crazy ride to Red Deer in the ambulance - hearing the words "it's a boy"- the terror when you didn't cry right away - the silence of the nurses and doctors as they tried to get you to take your first breath  - the euphoric relief when you did - the way your big sister touched your fingers and kissed your forehead - the feeling that we were a complete family...

I remember... your amazing dimples - your dark brown eyes, always sparkling, like something amazing was going to happen - your bald head and cauliflower ears - your calm  and laid back attitude - being able to make you laugh so easily - your Grandma and Grandpa calling you Boustos - your love of "ronies" and "trees" with personality (Kraft Dinner and broccoli with Cheez Whiz) - reading Robert Munsch's "I'll Love you Forever" and singing that song to you over and over and over - your sweetness...

I remember...your love for the outdoors - your desire to do everything just like your Dad, hunting, fishing, hockey, shooting - your lack of fear of heights, loud noises, spiders, snakes, dead animals, live animals - the baby chicks, puppies, kittens, frogs, etc that you wanted to bring home - your love of animals and the gentle way that you treated all of God's creatures - your living every moment full throttle...

I remember...Elvis Presley and Austin Powers - your ability to make everyone laugh until they cried - your unabandoned freedom to be totally ridiculous - your willingness (well, sometimes it took a bribe) to perform in front of crowds of people to make them smile - your goofy goofy self - loving to dress up for dress up days, even when your friends were "too cool" to do it themselves - your sense of fun...

I remember... your love for people around you - the way that you treated your little cousins - how you played their games, even when you got too old for those games - how you genuinely love to spend time with them, valuing them no matter how old they or you were...the way you love your sister, protected her from those that tried to hurt her - how you two told each other your deepest secrets and knew that they were safe from exposure - the tight hugs and kisses freely given to your silly aunties that expected it every time you came in - your ability to say " I love you" without hearing someone else say it first - your sweet and tender heart.... 

I remember... when you first told me that you really really liked "this girl"  - the games nights at our house with your friends, including this special girl - seeing you get the courage to ask her to be your girlfriend and doing it in a creative way - watching you fall in love with her and being happy because I loved her too - growing up to be a man, a husband, and hopefully one day a Dad - one that I am so very very proud of... 






and now, just a few hours away from your wedding day I can't help but think of those very familiar words...

"I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always, 

As long as you're living

My baby you'll be"  

Forever and always, my Ri-Guy...

Love Mommy
xo

The life of a compulsive person...

I thought it would be a great idea...at the time. 


I am a compulsive person. 


I think there needs to be a support group for people like me.  A place where I could come up with those brilliant thoughts ... mull them over for a minute or two - THEN decide if they truly are genius or just... not.


Well, again, I have had one of those lightbulb moments and rather than just stewing it over in my brain - I go and put it out there.  I am speaking of my plan to celebrate 2011 every day.  Ah, I know, you are saying - what's wrong with that?  We should celebrate something every day.  Okay - then YOU try it.  


I made a personal...and public (through this wonderful fishbowl called a Blog) commitment to a year long party in the hood, but the problem is - I have found out that that is not really what happens.  I have found out that I kind of like to vent via my facebook status - alot.  So you can imagine my frustration as I sit - fingers poised - ready to strike the keys with the venom of a poisonous viper, only to remember that I have to somehow coin the deepest feelings in my heart in a phrase that begins with...


Sheila Hanson Adkins celebrates...


dang!  


It's limiting.  So you might have noticed that my status changes are fewer and farther between than usual.  The thought of recanting has crossed my mind more times than you can imagine, but being the stubborn person that I am - I won't.  And I feel like somehow, God wants to teach me something through this little year long challenge.


There is another problem that I have realized through this.  I was not the first person to do this exercise in positivity.  My friend Sandra did this last year for her 4th decade celebration.  She went through some pretty hellish moments through that year.  I thought of that when I started, but foolishly felt that it wouldn't happen to me.  Well, since that time I have been plagued with fear that something bad is going to happen.  To my kids, my family, my health, my husband... my dog.  I hate this fear.


We have been going to Red Deer to Crossroad Church on a more regular basis the past year.  Our kids have found this church and as part of our connection with our kids, we have been going to church there with them.  It is my dream church.  The music is unlike any I have EVER heard - not too contemporary-touchie-feelie-flag-waving-repeat-one-phrase-for-three-minutes kind of stuff, and not the old school worship either.  It's nice.  But what is really great is Pastor Dan.  He seems to speak straight to my heart.  I feel like we are talking over a chai latte - not with the other 2000 people around us.  


Today he started a series on Job.  If you have an issue with fear of having bad things happen to you - Job is a challenging person to study.  I think I started crying while he read the first chapter.  I had this overwhelming feeling (again) that I was about to face the life of Job in my own life...most currently - I felt that my number one son - who was on his way home from a ski trip - was going to be in a horrific car crash and I was going to lose him...all pointing back to this whole "year of celebration" stupid vow I had made.  As the tears ran down my face, I heard catastrophe on catastrophe that struck Job and thought of my own "sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys and children" that I was so afraid to have to face losing.  I kept thinking - I just know I couldn't handle that and isn't there a verse somewhere that says that God won't give you any more than you can handle?  It gave me a glimmer of hope.  Until... Pastor Dan said that God never said that He wouldn't give you any more than you can handle....


dang!


He would never give you more than HE can handle.  There go the tears again.  Well, God and I had this little battle inside my spirit.  As the service drew to a close and the battle waged, I prayed, "please don't sing Blessed Be Your Name for a closing song.  Yup, you guessed it - that was the song.  My constricted throat prevented me from singing the first verse. 


but then something happened... I gave up.  I gave up my number one son, my sweet daughter, my loving husband, my amazing family, my healthy albeit out of shape body, my career, my money, my sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys and even my Lucy.  


you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will CHOSE to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.


As I write this, I am struck by the fear that I am compulsively putting it out there again for all the world to see and witness my possible failure in this little celebratory year - but I think that I am a little more ready for whatever is in store.  


Not hoping for Job's life - but with a little less fear...

I can't believe I have joined the Bloggers...

I truly never thought that I would ever start one of these things, but I suppose all of us succumb to the desire to have a life exciting enough to reading about. So for those reading, I thank you.


I eagerly anticipate the day that all of my little "charges" leave for Christmas and I get to:
- sleep past 7 am
- shut off my cell phone
- no longer give permissions for everything
- forget about runny noses, diarrhea, coughs, cuts, and broken hearts

Enough about me... on to the things most important to me...

#1 Dan the Man

What a hunk, eh? This is his amazing Mule Deer that he got with his bow this year. He was pretty excited. It measured 172 and three eighths (if you know what that means, then good for you) All I know is that if filled up our freezer quite nicely...ummmmm deer steaks.

We have been together for 21 years and counting. Truly hard to believe. I'm not sure who is the bigger hero - thinkin him...

#2 - Lys the Princess

Yes, our baby girl has graduated from High School and is now at the University of Alberta. Not an easy transition for her or Mom... She has been a little homesick as well as trying to transition from a tiny little Christian School on the Prairies to The Giant Mega-learning facility. It has been a little rough, but she works hard and we are pretty proud of her and her stand for what she believes even though it has cost her some humiliation and a couple bad marks.
She is glad to be half done and is deciding about future plans right now.

#3 - Riley - the Heart-throb

Riley is in Grade 11...yikes!! He spends his

time playing x-box, hockey, quad-ing, hanging out with friends and working at Subway. Once in a while he thinks about school, but that is more thought of as a hinderance to an active social life. He remains single, but I do hear from many girls in the dorm that he is "hot"... hmmm, not really what a mom wants to hear.

Other Important "Family" members

Brandon ...

...has stolen Alyssa's heart (and ours too) and has become a part of the family. He is working right now at Phone Experts and has become an expert navigator of the road between Innisfail and Sherwood Park!

Dexter...

Alyssa decided that she needed to add to the family in the way of a very small Chihuahua that we named Dexter Diablo (Diablo because he is a bit of a demon at times). Training has not always been pleasant... poop ground into the bottom of your feet, etc. But we have fallen in love with the little guy. Even Luke likes him...

So that is us...

Not so exciting, but hey, we're happy and that works out for us pretty good. In days to come I suppose I will wax eloquently, but for today, just wanted to let you know who we are.

God is so good to us. I can't always figure out why. It isn't because we deserve it - just because He's good...

Merry Christmas everyone. Remember to be nice to each other...

Sheels


ps... new addition to the family... Introducing Miss Haley Thulien - soon to be Mrs. Riley Adkins.  We have loved Haley for a long long time, so it is only natural for her to really become one of us.  Welcome Haley!   Sweet days ahead!!